Category Archives: Humor

If I find something funny.

All Hail the Bag of Crap

woot box opened

Those of you that woot are intimately familiar with the Bag of Crap. It is the holy grail of wooting; won by few, sought by all. Known to bring down the mightiest of servers, a Bag of Crap is the last thing a wooter does before dying. Two weeks ago I won my very first Bag of Crap. It arrived in the mail today…

I was able to score only one Bag of Crap. Faster fingers and some prior planning may have gotten me two or three, but who’s complaining? I got me some crap.

And, oh what crap it is. The box arrived with two items inside. One in a box, one not.

woot gift bag

What’s Inside

The first item was a Mossimo Gift Bag. It contained:

  • two Cosmyl Spa Lavender English Bath Cubes 1.5 oz
  • Mossimo Curl Spray 2oz
  • L.A. Looks Wet Look Styling Gel 1 oz
  • Nat Robbins Mechanical Eye Liner Silver 0.01 oz
  • Decorative Carrying Case

After such an extraordinary item right off the bat, I couldn’t imagine what is in the other small box. I was hoping that it was a keyboard since the box was keyboard-sized and shaped. Instead I found a Go Duster; batteries not included. Never heard of it. At least I had heard of Mossimo and L.A. Looks.

I could hardly contain myself.

woot go duster

Does it Blend?

I put the Go Duster together, put some batteries in it (4 AA), and gave it a whirl. Check it out in action below. The Mossimo bath stuff will have to wait. I’m just not in the lavender bath cube mood at the moment…

I can honestly say I got what I ordered. Crap. Thanks woot.

Search: [Your Name Here]

Every once in a while I have to Google myself and find out what I have been up to. Here are my latest exploits:

In our school there’s a [jen] she’s either 13 or 14.

It’s great to be young again.

[jen] – Filmography, Awards, Biography, Agent, Discussions, Photos, News Articles, Fan Sites.

All business matters go through my agent.

[jen] (President/. Presidente).

That’s el Presidente to you.

[jen] Female model of the month . wanna shoot?

Only if you’re firing blanks.

[jen]. Vice President.

What happened?

Hilton’s new PR manager, [jen]

They have no idea what they just got themselves into.

The Conferencing Software allows you to interact with [jen] (after you enter your credit card info)

US funds only, please.

Comment by [jen]. Being a relative novice and mostly working by myself in a vacuum…

Sounds like me, but it isn’t.

[jen] and Professor HS Wilson are working together to research the perspectives of parish pastors working in multicultural communities.

Definitely not me.

Webmaster [jen], from the [my old job], suggested the idea of looking “under the hood” at some accessible websites.

Uh oh, I CAN be found on the web.

jennifer..?!?1?… [jen]… hMmMmm.. doesnt ring a bell?!?!?!

Now that’s more like it.

We departed Kuching by bus with our guides for the trip, Emong Tinsang and [jen].

Next time you’re in Sarawak, Malaysia, look me up.

Neurosurgery, [jen], MD.

Medical school was so easy I don’t even remember it.

Fire

Ordinary start

What started out as a unremarkable day, today became anything but.

In the midst of spring cleaning, I decide to get outside and burn a little paper and cardboard in the burn barrel. Burn barrels are a not too uncommon site around these parts for disposing of trash and leaves. Today was a bright, sunny, warm day, perfect for a little burning.

Everything is going fine. I’m burning a large box that I ripped into pieces. I’m keeping a close eye on the fire. Then I notice a little piece of flaming paper no bigger than a dime. It fluttered up from the barrel and over to a pile of leaves. Not good.

We have a fire

I’m on the other side of the barrel so I run around a try to stomp it out. Mistake number one. Now I have fire all around my foot. I try to stomp that out. Mistake number two. The fire around my foot is now two feet tall and around both my legs.

I run up to the house taking inventory of the children and running several possible solutions to this problem through my head. The brain works amazingly fast in these situations. I thought of water. Try buckets. No, too slow. The fire extinguisher. Yea, try that. Grab it, pull the pin, and run outside. Fire is too big for a little kitchen extinguisher. Call the neighbor. Nope, nothing he can do. Call 911. Yes, definitely. All that thought and action occurred in less than 30 seconds.

The firemen

The fire departments in rural areas like this are all voluntary. Immediately after hanging up with 911 I hear the air horn blow calling all the volunteers. Yes, there are parts of the country where that still occurs. The horn is a blowin’, must be a fire a goin’. And, upon hearing the horn blow not once but twice, I’m thinking “major fire” by the time they arrive.

The first pickup truck arrives within five minutes. Soon after that, a rescue vehicle, a tanker truck, a fire truck, and two more pickups arrive. The neighbor pulls in laughing. He knows, without looking, exactly what I did.

They end up putting out the fire with my small plastic bucket and water that had collected in John’s sandbox. A bucket and water, hmmm…why didn’t I think of that?

Aftermath

The firemen were quite nice. I thought they might be upset but they said these are the types of fires they like. So, I suppose it’s nice for them to come to the rescue and all is well. No one was hurt, no homes or property damaged; just some scorched earth and one grateful family.

Special thanks to the Medway-Grapeville Volunteer Fire Company.

354.8 ml of beer

The metric system was devised to provide a uniform standard of measurement worldwide. It is based on the decimal system rather than fractions. The International System of Units, established by the Treaty of Meter (1875), provides the base units of the metric system. The United States is a charter member of this international organization having signed the treaty in 1875. Why, then, is the US the only major industrialized nation to not have adopted the metric system?

Because of the conversion process!

Quick – How many liters in a gallon?

3.78 L

How many people do you know have an aversion to math? Really, it’s not a math problem. It’s a paradigm shift; one that we should jump at. For instance, wouldn’t you rather say:

  • I weigh 68kg.
  • I ran 10km before breakfast.
  • I was doing 100km/hour the whole way here.

Let’s face it, most average Americans will have no clue how much you weigh, how far you ran, or how fast you were going. You see, it’s not a math problem at all. Money is a case in point. It’s already metric. And nobody likes fractions anyway. Don’t do the math. Change the way you think. In reality, doing the math is harder than changing how you quantify speed, volume, weight, and distance.

Top 10 reasons we should convert to the Metric System by Paul Cox:

  • 10. People will finally understand my joke about driving attoparsecs per nanocenturies.
  • 9. Gas will seem cheaper at 50 cents a liter.
  • 8. Being 22 kilos overweight does not sound as bad as 50 lbs.
  • 7. Defense will be easier if the offense has to drive 10 meters for a first down.
  • 6. Arizona summers will not seem as bad when its only 40 degrees outside.
  • 5. Its not “metric”, its “Digital”!
  • 4. Imagine all the exciting math you will do converting your favorite recipes to milliliters.
  • 3. Less fractions to deal with like, “Do I need a five eighths socket or a nine sixteenths to loosen this nut?”
  • 2. The boy band 98° will not be as popular calling themselves 36.7°.
  • 1. Half a liter is more than a pint, which means, MORE BEER FOR EVERYBODY!